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Sunday, February 17, 2013

The Hilarious Story Of A Runs Girl...

I have learnt many things in life and one of them is that you cannot run for your life in high heel shoes. As I was running down the slope of Falomo Bridge, at some time past 4 am, I was actually praying for the heels of my Dorothy Perkins shoes to break because I did not dare to stop to take them off.

I was no longer aware of Mama running behind me. I couldn't hear her footsteps but I wasn't stopping to check on her; it was well and truly an every-chick-for- herself kind of situation. And besides, we've always told her to lose weight. Maybe now, if we make it out of this alive, she'll finally accept the follyof
embracing her orobo title.

At the bottom of the bridge, on the Ikoyi side, I ran into the remnants of a police checkpoint. The officerswere drinking what I can only assume to be paraga, and counting the day's take.

If I was shocked to happen on them at 4 in the morning, they were equally startled to see a yellow girl in a cream low-cut dress running at them. They scattered away from my path and would have let mecontinue if at that point Mama had not called out myname and by so doing stopped my get-away.

The policemen regained their composure and immediately proceeded to arrest us, pointing their guns as they shouted at us to tell them who we were.

I was out of breath, Mama even more so. The officershad to wait while their paraga woman opined that we must be ashewos and they agreed without relaxing their battle-ready holds on their weapons.

As I was contemplating whether it was wise to tell them from what we had fled, Mama, ever the loud mouth, filled them in with every 'oh' and 'ah' of her thick Yoruba accent.

"Ritual killer!" she shouted. "He is there on the bridge. He stopped to piss, that is how we escaped.He didn't know I speak Yoruba. He was telling his friend on the phone that he has found twogirls for the ritual!"

Indeed, she was right. The boy had picked us up at the gate to Shoprite and taken us to his Hotel room at the Four Seasons. He spoke funeh and ordered room service for us. Mama asked for a big Stout and assorted meat pepper soup - which the kitchen didn't have, and I had accepted his offer to share a bottle of wine with him.

He had been gentle and nice and came across as every bit the butter-mugu. Mama was quik to start touching him up but he had shyly reclined from her fat arms and in due course started talking to me instead.
He wanted to know what I did for a living.

Somebody who had picked me off the road at past midnight wanted to know what I did for a living. I told him I was a student, which was not a lie, and he wanted toknow why I'd decided to study mass-com, which I wasn't.

He talked at length about his life in London and how he was only in Nigeria for a UN contract. I chopped, Mama chopped. She even sent me a BB message when he was busy asking how many we were in my family. In her message she asked me to let the boy do without condom while she pretended to be asleep. She said that would make him fall in love. Mama's over zealousness has long rendered her advices and opinions irrelevant, so I wasn't even upset at her stupidity.

Soon enough Mama covered her bulky body with theduvet and pretended to be asleep and the London boy finally approached me. He asked that I follow him into the bathroom and I, playing the part, asked him why.
We fucked right there on the bed – with a condom – and Mama did not once move, not even when I pinched her bottom.

I let him hold me as he fell asleep, and I must have fallen asleep as well because his phone ringing wokeus up.

He took the call in the bathroom and Mama pretended to wake up. When he returned he looked upset. He explained that he had to fly to Abuja with the first flight and asked where we lived so he could drop us off.
I sensed Mama about to ask him for money so I quickly told him he could get us a cab to Ikoyi.

He refused to let us take a cab at that time of the morning. He was going to drop us so he could know where I stayed so he could come see me when he returned later in the night. We agreed to let him take us home. He then asked if I could come with him to Abuja. It was a business meeting, he said, it would
take all of two hours then we'd catch the last flight to Lagos. Flights cost around thirty k; if he was willing to pay that much just for me to follow him to Abuja and back, how much would I end up fleecing out of him?

It was on the way to Ikoyi that he called up his friendand started talking in near whispers. Both Mama and I speak fluent Yoruba, we grew up in Lagos after all.
When he pulled over on the deserted bridge and toldus he had to pee, no one begged us to jump out of his car and run. I have never run so fast in my life.

The policemen listened to our story as told by Mama and asked us if we wanted to come to the station to make a statement.
"He is on the bridge!" Mama shouted at them. "You can still catch him!" I was thinking the same.

One of the officers explained their take on the matter: "See ehn, just go and do thanksgiving that he did not succeed. By now he would have run away.

How do we know where to catch him?"
Mama pointed out that we could take them to his hotel room but the same officer explained that"Hotel people don't like that kind of trouble. They won't even let us see the man. Just go home, and you too, stop doing ashara business." This, coming from a guy whose eyes had repeatedly darted at Mama's massive boobs spilling out of her too-tight bra.

We stayed with the policemen, partly because they hadn't told us we could go and partly out of not wanting to leave their protection, and we listened to them tell stories of girls who had barely escaped ritual killers just like we had. When they were ready to leave we realised we were also free to go. We begged them to drop us home and surprisingly they obliged.

When we got to the boys squatters on Glover Road that we share with four other girls there was no light. Clara, whose real name is Nkem, opened the door for us because they had locked the padlocks from inside.

"From where you ashawos dey come from this night?" she asked and thus unleashed Mama's impatience to narrate our ordeal all over again.

Clara woke Kike, Kike woke Beatrice, Beatrice woke Antina, who woke two other girls I didn't know and who had taken my spot and Mama's spot on the mattress.

Clara lit a kerosene lamp and the girls listened in silence as Mama embellished the story with magic rings and hidden charms. At the end of her tale the girls exchanged looks then burst out into laughter.

I was trying to see the humour when one of the strangers explained it to me.

It wasn't a new thing; in fact, many sharp girls had fallen for the same trick. The boy wasn't a ritual anything. He simply didn't want to pay us and had tricked us into running away.

The girl, whose name turned out to be Kenny, assured us that if we went back to the Hotel we would be told that the occupant had checked out, probably on his way to Abuja as he claimed.

To say I was pained is an understatement. Mama, however, preferred her own interpretation and hung on to the ritual story, no doubt, to be repeated to many a girl in the days to come. I only prayed that she would leave my name out of it.

Still smarting from being played so deftly, Kenny asked if we had checked our bags.
Mama asked why, but I had clocked. I opened my bag up to the glow of the lantern and searched frantically.

I emptied its contents onto the floor and searched the inner pockets. My money was gone.

That morning, as I lay on the crowded mattress, see thing with anger and loathing the alarm that would soon go off to wake me up to get ready for school, I prayed to God to let me see that boy again. I didn't tell God what I planned to do with him when I saw him.

My name is Amaka, by the way. But people call me Juliet.

Getting Married To Jay-Z Is A Blessing - Beyonce

Beyonce and Jay-Z's relationship has been going strong for 10+ years which is so rare in the entertainment industry. Although Beyonce is very hush-hush when it comes to her marriage, this weekend, she will unveil a little more about her bond with Jay-Z during an intimate sit-down with Oprah that will air an hour before her HBO documentary is set to premiere.

During the interview, she tells Oprah:

I would not be the woman I am, if I did not go home to that man. And it just gives me such a foundation. [He has helped me] On so many levels. We were friends first, for a year and half. Before we went on any date, on the phone for a year and a half. And that foundation is so important in a relationship. And just to have someone that you just like, is so important. And someone that is honest.
Beyonce also reveals that she gained almost 60 pounds during her pregnancy and looking back, she thinks it was crazy that she did a show just three months after she gave birth:

I did a show three months after giving birth, which was crazy. I had clearly never given birth, and I didn't know that I would gain 60 pounds—57 pounds. I feel so fortunate to do my job. I love my job. I love singing. I love the way it feels.

My life is a journey. … I had to go through my miscarriage, I believe I had to go through owning my company and managing myself … ultimately your independence comes from knowing who you are and you being happy with yourself.

Diddy Spends Valentine’s Day With Three Special Ladies

If we were handing out Father of the Year Awards this Valentine's Day, Diddy would have definitely received one.

Instead of wining and dining some special lady for the holiday, Diddy kept his love right at home with his three daughters.

The father of six spent the Valentine day with his adorable little girls D'Lila, Jessie and Chance at their home in LA while spoiling them with gifts.

How precious!

GOD Made Me Big – Karen Igho

How I feel about a new season of Big Brother Africa starting sOon

To be honest, the spotlight cannot be shifted from me because it is God that put me there. I know where I am coming from. Do not forget there is a BBA winner from South Africa already and I am still where I am. The thing is, if people like you, they like you. If they want your star to stop shining, it will. If you are humble, grateful and real with people, you would still on top. If you are bitchy, you will not last long. I am taking corrections from people who have been there like Derenle and Uti. I am trying to learn from them. Whoever emerges as winner, I wish them the best.

Rumours about my friends -Denrele and Uti

This interview is not about them. It is about me, Karen Igho. I am not here to discuss people's sexuality. It does not concern me.

About my boob job

People need to understand that I did not do it to impress anybody. I did it for me. When I did it, I was young and the reason I did it was because I had lumps;they took out some tissues and in the process, my breasts reduced. At that time and age, I was insecure that I had lumps that could develop into cancer and my boobs were small, so I went to get implants. They are not even that big; sometimes it is my bra that makes them big and people would be talking about my breasts like they have never seen breasts before. I did not do it for anybody. It was for me and because of the way I felt. I really thank God because a lot of women have cancer but mine did not get to that stage. Two of my sisters also had lumps, it is hereditary. My aunt died because of blood cancer, my granddad died because of brain cancer and my uncle died because of eye cancer.

I am partnering NGOs

I am involved with Non Governmental Organisations that are into any type of cancer awareness programme. On my birthday, I went to Lagos State University Teaching Hospital to see kids with cancer. I asked them what they needed and some of them needed a transplant, some needed blood, and I helped the little way I could. I do not limit it to cancer alone. The campaign for HIV and AIDS is also something I am passionate about. There is also the youth empowerment programme too. I see myself as a stepping stone for other youths who are out there struggling; youths who are asking themselves if they can make it because Nigeria is a tough country to live in. Yes, you can make it if you put your mind to it and work hard. Look at me, from nothing to something. I want people to learn from me.

My early days

I grew up in the village. I stayed with my grandmother and we lived in a mud house. Whenever it rained, we would be soaked inside the house. The food we ate then was straight from the bush. I had a lot of bush meat, that is why I love Nigerian food. I call them vintage food. Although I eat international dishes, I prefer Nigerian food. I also like to cook because I learnt it from my mother and my grandmother. My father died when I was 12 years old. Growing up for me was not easy. My dad is from a wealthy family, he is Peter Igho's brother. It was the situation and circumstance at that point in time. I bet if he was alive he would have seen things in a different way. I was abused as a child, not sexually. I was maltreated because I had to live with relatives. Nobody would treat you like their own. My parents had me when they were young and they had various things they wanted to do. I had to stay with different relatives. I was beaten well.

The Big Brother House experience

I won Big Brother and I am grateful to the people that voted for me. The one I picked on the most was how easily people can be lied to. It is not good. How tabloids fabricated lies and gave them to the public to read and they bought them, without knowing how true those stories were. What I have learnt from life is that it is not good to judge. It is not every girl you see that is a bad girl; because these days, the good girls are now the bad girls and the bad girls are now the good girls. I know that God would always be with me. I could not defend myself but God defended me because if I had got out of the Big Brother House and did not win, I would have been the most hated housemate in Big Brother history. I thank God for making me win and making people see me for who I am. The people saw that there is more to me than meets the eye, I thank God for that. They gave me 91 days to showcase the kind of person that I am and I did and that was what Africa fell in love with.

Being an ex-stripper

Where did you get your source from? Can you please give me evidence and proof? Even the pictures are all 'photoshop'. It is not fair because at the end of the day, I will want to get married and do some other things. I know when I was in the house, people were expecting me to be the one to have sex, they were expecting me to be the one to shower naked first.

What Is Wrong With This Picture??

Drake Sent Away From A Club Because Chris Brown Was Inside

One Hollywood nightclub isnt big enough for Chris Brown and Drake, because it was learnt that, Drake was turned away at the door this week because Brown was already inside.

The club is Playhouse in Hollywood and sources tell TMZ, bouncers sent Drake on his way Wednesday night because Chris B was already partying at a table inside and they wanted to avoid any possible brawl scenarios.

According to TMZ, Brown was inside the club celebrating an anniversary party for some clothing brand called Popular Demand.

The bouncers were aware Chris was inside when Drake showed up around midnight and they knew Rihanna would be joining him later on,so they asked Drake to party somewhere else that night.

We're told Drake handled the rejection like a gentleman and left without incident.

Odemwingie Sacks His Agents After Transfer Deadline Drama

West Brom striker, Peter Osaze Odemwingie, hassacked his agents, after the January transfer deadline day sham.

The Nigerian was caught up in a transfer storm, which saw his drive to Loftus Road, to try and force through a move to Queens Park Rangers. The Baggies fined him two weeks wages for his behaviour, with manager Steve Clarke insisting he changed his representatives.

Odemwingie confirmed via his Twitter account, that he had done just that. He wrote: "I have sacked my agents. They are at my gate begging for permission to negotiate a comeback. Told them to seek permission from authorities," Odemwingie tweeted.

The 31-year-old is yet to feature for the side after the incident.

Comic Yoruba Actor Princess Lanko Dumps Home For Hotel

When a man decides to return home from where ever he is sojourning, the general expectation is that he is relocating into either his personal house(rented or owned) or his family house. But that is not the case with popular Yoruba comic actor, Adeola Soremi, who is better known as Lanko.

The bald-headed and lanky rib-cracker who relocated to his home-town, Abeokuta, Ogun state, from Ikorodu in Lagos state, more than a year ago has been taking residence in different hotels ever since.

Findings by Different Stroke Media has revealed that the witty actor started off with Neu Gate Hotel behind MKO Abiola stadium, Ijeun Tuntun,Abeokuta, and resided in the hotel owned by former Local Government chairman of Ifo, Hon. Sikirullahi Ogundele, for many months. But as you read this, the actor has "packed out" of the five thousand naira per night hotel, into another one on the outskirts of the city.

He is now reportedly "living" in Luk-Jim hotel, a newly commissioned hotel within Olowomoore area of Abeokuta. And the hotel owned by a socialite, Lukmon Ogo-Oluwa, has now become the new haven for the fair-complexioned comedian who has a predilection for A+ women.

And for how long "Omo Oba Dubai" as the talented thespian also calls himself, is going to be a "tenant" in the hotel before moving into another one remains a matter of time.

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